She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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