every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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