I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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