I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
