i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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