i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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