mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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