The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
