I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
