He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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