i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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