hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
