Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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