Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
This girl is more easily done than said...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
