If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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