Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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