I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
