Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
