This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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