i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
