So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
