I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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