These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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