You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
