Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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