What tipped you off? The sombrero?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
