We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
