You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
