Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
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