i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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