yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
