she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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