So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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