Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
