after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
