M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
