My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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