Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
