I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
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