I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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