Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
