and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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