just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
