After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
