Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
