The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
