went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You've changed since you got that strap on
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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