I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
