omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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