Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
