If i come over, it means nothing
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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