I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
