By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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