we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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