We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
