Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
