If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
