i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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